


Apprehension

by insertcleveruserhere



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Angst, Engineer Ryder, F/M, Fluff, Guilt, Human, Interspecies Romance, Parent Issues, Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy, Unresolved Issues, Xenophilia, angara, interspecies pregnancy, tech
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-12-03 14:41:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11534358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insertcleveruserhere/pseuds/insertcleveruserhere
Summary: "No." Sara sniffles and shakes her head, "No more death."--Lexi delivers Sara news, and Sara delivers it to Jaal.





	Apprehension

**Author's Note:**

> So I have this head canon that my engineer Ryder helped Alec develop SAM node and finished Ellen's Pathfinder implants. It has absolutely no bearing, but made sense in my head. It plays a rather large part int his, so just a warning!

“So…what? You want me to finish Mom's implants?” Sara sneered at her father. She cradles her cup of water, “And what’s a SAM?”

“Simulated Adaptive Matrix.”

“He’s supposed to be an AI?”

Alec pinches the bridge of his nose, “Yes, Sara, he’s an AI.”

“This is what you were working on when you were an N7?” She asks, picking up the datapad. “Mom was working on it too?”

“SAM kept her alive months longer than she should have been able to, Sara.”

“So, why’d she die?”

“SAM's still a prototype, Sara. But he’s so much more than your mom and I ever thought. And right now, I need your help.”

“My help? What could the great and almighty Alec Ryder ever need from me?” She asks, gripping onto the glass harder than necessary.

“We’re already going to Andromeda together, Sara. You’ve every right to be angry, but we leave in three months, and SAM needs to be finished by then. Whether you like it or not, you’re the best engineer on the Citadel, and the only one I trust.”

Sara hesitates.

“If not for me, then for your mom.”

She opens her mouth and then shuts it, “Scott and I were both disowned by our work for this project, and it didn’t even work. Did you even care when you found out?”

“Of course I did, Sara. I’m not heartless.”

“You sure have a funny way of showing it, Alec.” She claims, rolling her neck, “What about Scott? Does he have a say in all this?”

“He doesn’t need to know. You know he’s never been good at tech.”

“Surprised you know that, Dad. But yeah, he's a hell of a sniper though.” She pauses, “Fine. I’ve got nothing more to lose. May as well. What’s that you used to say? When you’re against a wall, if you can’t change it, use it?”

“Sara…you have no idea how much this means to me.”

“And you have no idea how much losing everything I ever worked for meant to me. But, I guess we have that in common. Runs in our DNA.” 

The conversation plays on repeat in Alec Ryder’s mind. She was right. She and her mother had a funny way of doing that, he realized. Sara Ryder, even in her darkest moments, always seemed to know right from wrong. Behind that, all he can see is the day she reprogrammed his work terminal to sing some old birthday song on twenty-ninth birthday. She had been seven years old and so smart she could put any professional to shame.

And when he sees her choking on air, her helmet smashed in. She reaches for him, eyes blown so wide all he can see is a thin ring of hazel around the black of her pupil. He can hear Liam and Cora screaming from the top of the monolith, but all he cares about is her, right then, right there. 

He trusts her, even if she doesn’t trust him. He's never earned it, but he knows she cares at least a little bit. She worried for him when they were separated, worried when they walked into the monolith, and worried when the gas began to spread.

It was his turn to worry.

\--

Ryder, I’ve completed a more thorough evaluation. For now, this is what I’m delivering to Pathfinder HQ. I may send you updates later if applicable.

You exhibit heart and empathy in many situations. Also, the passion that you bring to your role as Pathfinder does not go unnoticed by those who work alongside you. In fact, it may be a key component drawing others to you.

However, I would say that this is completely in line with your tendency to act impulsively in many situations. To go with your gut rather than pause and wait for more information.

(Perhaps I should note that you are more impulsive in the field than you are with your affection. Whatever that means – we can keep that between us.)

I would add…

You’re quick to use warmth and humor in many situations. Your casual and open nature is welcome by much of the team. I would note, however, that your tendency towards sarcasm has been mentioned to me by Initiative hierarchy and Director Tann in particular. This shouldn’t be seen as a problem but rather as an indication of a unique take on survival and success.

\--

Sara reads over the evaluation a total of four times before she sits back in her chair, ruminating over Lexi's words. It sounded exactly like her, casual and sarcastic and emotional. Sara hid behind jokes and sarcasm and never let anyone really in, except for these Tempest oddballs, now. Liam, Vetra, Suvi, Kallo, Gil, Drack, Peebee, Lexi, and Cora. Family.

And Jaal. Jaal was special.

She glanced down and rubbed her forehead. She was tired and terrified and remorseful and didn’t know if she was even headed in the right direction.

\--

“Sara Ryder. Aged twenty-two. Possesses SAM implants. Former engineer for an Alliance archaeology team studying Prothean artifacts. Daughter of Ellen and Alec Ryder. Has an IQ of 153. Self-taught engineer and technician.”

“So, is this an interview or something? I mean, I only made the SAM that all your – what were they called? – Pathfinders are going to be using.”

“In a manner of speaking. It’s more cosmetic than anything.”

“Do you really have to interview every single person getting on the Arks?”

“Every single one. Not me personally, of course.”

“Alright. Ask away.”

\--

She must have been doing something right. The Archon was dead, Meridian was the Initiative's. Her brother was working on Ryder-1 in attempts to make it habitable, mostly clearing out the Kett. Her father was avenged in the most poetic way possible, and she learned that her mother was still alive. 

She didn’t ask for the job. She didn’t want the job. She wanted to be the engineer for the Pathfinder team and find a safe place to grow old and leave the Milky Way behind. She didn’t want to have to shoot Kett to survive or argue with Angarans over tactics and the best places for outposts. She didn’t want to have Tann breathing down her neck about every time she agreed with the Angarans more than him or Addison constantly berating her. 

She didn’t want to fall in love, but there she was, all but drowning in it.

Sara sighs and turns the terminal off, watching the repetitive flashing of the orange button as it practically begged to be turned back on. Alec Ryder died for her. It’d been six months, and she still couldn’t accept it, even as she rose to importance and began her descent, trying to make herself obsolete. The path was found, and it wasn’t her job to pave it. That was for people like Kandros and Evfra and Bradley. She wasn’t a leader, she wasn’t really a Pathfinder. She was just an engineer who was pat on the back and given a fancy title that came with way more responsibility than she ever bargained for.

First contact with the Kett. Kill the Kett. Settle Eos. First contact with the Angara. Kill the Archon. Kill the Kett some more. Save people. Save more people. Save Scott.

She wiped the tears off her cheeks before she realized she was actually crying. It had been so much, so much in so little time, and she felt like she needed to hit something. She’d lost more than her fair share, and no one seemed to understand that she was just one woman, only human. She covers her mouth to stifle the sob that rose up in her throat without explanation and cries, unable to hold it in any longer. She had a moment. She’d rested on her laurels for a single moment before the world asked for her again. She was tired and spent and didn’t even understand just how done she was.

Her head swam before coming to a standstill when she heard the soft knock at the door.

She wipes away at her cheeks and pray that she doesn’t look like she’s been crying, but knows that’s asking for too much. She can send them away, have SAM lock the door, but then everyone would know something was up. So instead, she calls, “Come in.”

The door slides open, and her heart swells into her throat. Lexi stands there – she’d been expecting her, hoping that she wouldn’t be here when Jaal was – and feels fresh tears well in her eyes.

“Sara.” Lexi says, “Sara.” Her voice drops, and Lexi looks remorseful. She knees next to Sara, taking her hand in her own. Something up, Sara knows. She and Lexi have sarcastic light conversations that dance around issues, jabs at one another about their work. The tears fall, and she knows what she’s going to say before it comes.

“Sara,” Lexi repeats, “it came back positive.”

A sob passes her lips and she hiccups, covering her mouth with her free hand. 

The emotion that welled in her chest was something she didn’t really recognize. She was terrified and overjoyed and worried and apprehensive and excited. 

“One baby. Approximately a month and a half along. I…I don’t know if it’s going to be fully human or fully Angaran or a hybrid…but I know that this is a stressful situation, Sara, and I need you to talk to Jaal, and come to a decision together. I can terminate it, if you so wish, before anyone else on the crew knows –.”

“No.” Sara sniffles and shakes her head, “No more death.”

Lexi wears a small smile, “Alright. Talk it over with Jaal. Come see me if you want to talk.” 

She should have cracked a joke then, something about Lexi's bedside manner, but she could only ask, “Could you…send Jaal here?”

“Of course. I’ll update you as best I can, alright?” 

Sara nods, rubbing her nose on her sleeve, and watches as Lexi walks out of the room. 

“Sara, your father exhibited a similar emotion when he learned that I was improving Ellen Ryder's condition.” SAM says over their personal channel.

“Apprehension.” She mutters, “Nervous anticipation. For what’s gonna come. It’s good, but scary.” Sara stands and walks over to the bed, running her hands over her face before sitting on the edge of the bed. 

“I am always learning from your experiences, Sara. I appreciate your willingness to share it with me.”

“Of course.” She responds, running a hand through her hair, “God, how do I tell him?”

SAM doesn’t have an answer for that.

She's almost thankful he says nothing because Jaal knocks on the door.

“You don’t have to knock, Jaal.” She calls, trying to hide the sob in her voice. Jaal walks in, nothing but concern on his face as he searches for her. When he sees her, he all but runs over to her.

“Darling one,” he begins, sitting next to her and putting his arm around her shoulders, “what troubles you?”

“Jaal.” She sobs into his rolfjinn, “Jaal.”

“I am here, dearest. I’m here.” He holds here there, kissing the crown of her head and whispering sweet nothings until she was ready to speak. 

Her face is buried into his shoulder when she finally says it.

“I’m pregnant.”

\--

He dreams of Meridian, a small house a few miles from Port Hyperion, and children. His own home on their planet, their children playing – eight, he imagines – and he sees Sara sitting there, playing with one of the younger ones, her stomach swollen and heavy. She was with child again, and it was his.

He dreams of a simply life, one with her and them and his family. His mother is no longer in the Resistance because there is no need for the Resistance. They live nearby, but Jaal and his one wife – his Sara – and knows that it’s human custom to have a single mate.

And truly, he is more than happy about that.

He understands what she means when she puts plan and dream in the same question and why humans put so much stock in the future. He was excited for what was to come, their life.


End file.
